Honestly, giving a present for the holidays that’s tangible is overrated. Ninety-nine percent of the time, you’ll have spent too much (or too little) and your partner will either love it or hate it. It’s a gamble.
But what’s not? Giving a gift your partner really wants—you! Add in some hot new sex moves and a titillating new toy, and they will be itching to unwrap and have their gift right tf now. Here are 10 ideas that will slay way better than anything Santa’s packing in his sleigh.
Gift them a set of candles that melt into warm, silky massage oil as they burn for some fun wax play. It’s sexy lighting that gently scents the room as you pour warm drops of the oil into the small of your partner’s back, between their toes, down their inner thighs. Rub as you go and watch them melt for you, then slip your hand under their hips for the best massage of all. (Use regular lube if anything’s going inside of someone.)
SHOP NOW Hemp Seed Massage Oil Trio, $19.95 on Adam & Eve.
The Shake It
Couples boudoir photography is becoming more and more of a thing, but if you don’t want your naked self in a photo studio, go with an instant film camera, so you can do whatever the hell you want with the naughty photos. Go soft-core sexy (like placing their hand on your boob), or super raunchy (like a POV shot of them about to go down on you), or turn the timer on and let it capture you ravishing each other.
SHOP NOW Fujifilm Instax Mini 9, $55.99 on Amazon.
The 12 Days Craze
12 Sexy Days is like an Advent calendar, but instead of mediocre chocolates, each little compartment is filled with a sexy toy, like a blindfold, a diamond-shaped vibrator (fancy!) or the MAZE Tassel Choker that has a secret life as a whip. Treat yourself every day, and then some.
SHOP NOW Bijoux 12 Sexy Days, $195 on Good Vibrations.
The Steam Press
Make shower sex workable with something to hang onto to get yourselves where you need to be. Press yourself tightly into the corner while they hang on to the handles, propping their foot up on the footrest to get in deep and close. Kind of like spooning while standing, but more intense. (If you accidentally leave the stuff up, it’s good for shaving your legs too).
SHOP NOW Dual Handles and Footrest Kit by Sex in the Shower, $38 on Amazon.
Mix edible flavored lubes like a MFing lube artisan. For a coffee lover, try a trickle of salted caramel with mocha java leading up your thighs—instant caramel mocchiato! For a morning toss, try pomegranate and cinnamon bun for a tart/sweet breakfast theme. Or create a makeshift appletini (lil’ shot of vodka for them, followed a dollop of candy apple on your boobs). Don’t forget to return the favor, since this is supposedly a gift for them, after all.
SHOP NOW Wicked Aqua flavored lubes, $14.95 on Adam & Eve.
The Magic of the Season
No matter what you or your partner have going on in their pants, there is fun to be had with a Wand vibrator. Most clit owners know the glory of the wand, but if your partner has a penis, let them in on its powers by having them stand at the edge of the bed, pressing the wand into the base of their shaft to create a Magical Vibrating Penis for you and some serious throbs for them.
SHOP NOW Hitachi Magic Wand, $139 on LoveHoney.com.
Holidays on Ice
For a pretty broad hint that you’d like to go Fifty Shades, spring for a big ol’ box of toys. Test it out with one of you lying face down with your wrists bound via cuffs. Try a few flicks with the flogger and go from there. Pleasure/pain mixes work best, ie. ice followed by your warm mouth, or a smart smack, then a gentle caress. (If you’re not feeling spendy, put together a starter BSDM kit with a spanking tool, blindfold, and soft restraints in a fancy box from the dollar store).
SHOP NOW All You Need Bondage, $169.99 on LoveHoney.com.
The Wet and Wild
If you like things wet (no further questions), get yourself a lush throw that lets you get as messy as you want and no one left with the sad, cold wet spot. Pick a blanket side (velvet microfiber or satiny), then lube the hell out of each other. Seriously, drench yourselves ’til you can barely hang onto each other. Lie on top of your partner, chest to chest, and slide back and forth, trying to keep them inside you while rubbing your clit on their pelvic bone.
SHOP NOW Fascinator Throw, starts at $55 on Amazon
A Novel Evening
Pamper your sapiosexual with a sexy literary subscription box. Every three months a new box ships in a secret faux-book storage case (shhh!) and features 5 full-sized products centered around a theme. New subscribers start with “The Rendevouz” with its erotic story, bondage tape, bullet vibrator, blindfold, candles and lube. Break out the blindfold, the bullet vibe, and let the plot thicken.
SHOP NOW Novel Erotics subscription box, starts at $28.33 every three months, Cratejoy.com
Lord of the Ring
For a gift that’s secretly for you too, give your favorite penis owner a luxe vibrating cock ring. It keeps him harder longer for more explosive orgasms (and provides perfectly-placed clit vibrations for you.) Try a more grinding than thrusting missionary so you can angle yourself against “his” gift.
SHOP NOW TOR 2, $115, Lelo.com