Whether you’re renting the Bachelor Mansion (for a mere 6K/night), unplugging in a getaway cabin in the woods or boning your illicit lovah at the place by the highway, hotel sex can be some of the most bomb-ass sex you will ever have.
Just being somewhere else is a firecracker under the ass of the your sex life. There’s the anticipation, you’re in a brand-new setting and everything just seems more Special and Important. And if it’s an extra fancy space, defiling it with your debauchery is even more fun. “Being in a formal space and acting wild or uncivilized can be a total turn-on,” says Renée Hilliard, M.D., a trained Ob/Gyn and sex and relationship coach.
Hotel sex is all about reveling in pure hedonism. There are no rules, plus room service, spa treatments and those crisp white hotel sheets that someone else cleans up. To fully embrace the glory that is hotel sex, you need to use the fuck out of that room. Use all the toiletries, throw the towels on the floor when you’re done with them, and have sex all over everything. (As long as you don’t think about that fact that everyone before you did the same thing, you should be just fine.)
Pack up whatever you need–a cute weekender travel bag, trendy swimwear and/or a big ol’ bag of sex toys
and off you go. (And if you’re staying at home, here are 18 travel movies that can cure/exacerbate your wanderlust.)
Whether you do it on the bed, in the luxury shower, or, hell, on a desk chair, here are the best positions to really help you enjoy your stay.
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Break in your bed with upside-down oral sex. One partner lies on the bed with their head hanging slightly over the edge of the mattress. The other partner stands by the bed, leaning over to slide their penis in or rub their vulva against the mouth of the person on the bed. Make no mistake, this is face fucking and can def feel like too much. Make sure to communicate if someone’s leaning too hard on your face, way too much dick happening, etc…
The Extended Stay
If you really want to make it a fuck-cation, don’t even leave the room for 24 hours. See how many times you can bring each other to orgasm. (If you’re both walking a little funny afterwards, you have done it right.) Start with a quick bang on top of the still-made bed, then pull back the spread and settle in to really explore each others’ bodies. Take your time for long, languid oral sex. Cool off with a shower and soap each other up slowly and deliberately. Mix hot and dirty, sweet and loving, hard and soft. When necessary, order room service or snuggle up and watch TV naked. So good.
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Debase the desk roller chair but turning it into a bondage chair on wheels. Sit your partner down and cuff their hands behind the them. You can taunt them with a look-but-don’t-touch striptease, torture them via edging (basically, getting someone really, really close to orgasm then stopping—then repeat, repeat, repeat) or sit on their lap for a seated, rocking version of reverse cowgirl on wheels.
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A Room With a View
Use the huge picture window for some pretend exhibition. Wait until night and you’ll be able to see everything and everyone outside, but they can’t see you. Have your partner hop aboard the standard-issue accent chair while you climb on top of them. Remember to turn off ALL the lights in the room and obvs don’t be on the first floor or it gets way too real!
Now’s the time to bring out that one vibe that’s really, really good but a little too loud for home. Try doggy with a reach-around by the giving partner. (If the giver is using a strap-on, a wearable one that vibrates will do a li’l something for them too.) And if it sounds like a chainsaw is going off in your room, well, let your hall mates wonder. It’s not like you’ll ever see them again!
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The Double Occupancy
Take advantage of the insane fluffiness of your (hopefully) giant, soft bed. Make a big-ass nest in the middle of the bed using all the pillows, even those extra ones in the closet. Lie on top while your partner kneels and penetrates you from a wonderfully different angle–it’s the closest you’ll get to boning on a cloud.
The Four-Poster Fantasy
Stand on the pillows (again–not yours to wash!) and face the wall, grabbing on to a bedpost and propping a foot on the headboard. This works best at a bed-and-breakfast where defiling the dainty space seems extra dirty, but any room with a headboard or bedposts will do. Usually, you should be totally present with your partner, but in this case, feel quite free to press your cheek against the old-timey wallpaper and have a full-on historical romantic fantasy. You can tell them about it as they f*ck you…or not.
The Do Not Disturb
Hotels always have huuuge mirrors that are perfect for watching yourselves having sex. Find that mirror, drag a chair or that flimsy luggage rack thing over there, and start making out, murmuring something like, “Look how hot we look.” Tell them you want to watch as they slide inside you, and prop your leg up so you can both see how completely sexy you look. There’s a reason people are voyeurs and exhibitionists—do this and you’ll see why.
The Wake-Up Call
Sleep in as long as you like and wake up slowly. Start the day by lying on your stomach, opening your legs a bit, and letting them slide in from behind. After sharing a bed all night, your bodies will be relaxed and ready for each other (especially because of the glory of morning wood), and since you’re facing away from your partner, no worries about the non-glories of morning breath.
For Adults Only
Anyone can turn on the computer and wank to some porn, but there’s something delightfully forbidden and old-school about checking out the “adult channel” that still exists in every hotel. Suggest seeing what’s on (this is even more effective if it’s out of character for you) and position yourselves facing the TV. If you’re feeling it, copy what the actors are doing. Be as loud as you want (because, hotel!). If you receive a noise complaint, count it as a badge of honor.
The Upward Affair
A hotel is ideal for acting out a fantasy role-play. The best part is, you can be absolutely anyone. Seduction of the room service delivery guy/maid? Adulterous lovers secretly meeting for the first time? Put your ass at the edge of the bed, legs over their shoulders, and have them lean down between your legs. Just throw yourselves into it. Role-play is weirdly freeing because it’s not “you,” it’s your character.
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