Thanks to the ongoing mess that is 2020, my current uniform is a giant onesie. Truly, my family is lucky if I bother to put on a bra when I wake up. But! Once upon a time (read: back in February), people actually got dressed in the morning. And as we prepare for a future where clothes might be part of our daily routine again, let’s take a look back on some fashion trends that we hope to god never, ever, E-V-E-R come back in style.
Before we get to some truly haunting looks (most of which are from the early aughts, shudder), it goes without saying that individual expression is great and we should all wear whatever TF we want all the damn time. And I say this as someone who’s currently wearing her mom’s maternity dress from 1986 because frankly, it’s what fits. That said there are certain sartorial moments in our nation’s great history that are simply not, and I can’t stress this enough, it. Let’s hold internet hands and promise never to recreate these 50 trends, from low-rise jeans to arm warmers.
1 of 50
If your mom rudely refused to let you pierce your belly button at your local Claire’s, this was the next best thing. And by “best thing,” I obviously mean worst thing.
2 of 50
Crocheted Blankets as Shirts
IDK what celebrity’s aunt started this reign of crocheted terror, but walking around dressed in what’s very clearly an oversized teapot cozy was a legit thing that happened in the ’90s. Let us never go back there.
3 of 50
Boob Scarf Holders
If you have a better way to describe this style of halter top, please feel free to @ me. Otherwise I’m going to stick with “boob scarf holders” and pray they were a one-time thing.
4 of 50
Boot Cut Jeans
Fine, these are borderline flared. Either way, their ill fit is ruining my life and that’s the tea.
5 of 50
Things I would love to not inherit from my mom’s ’90s wardrobe: her collection of crushed/burnt velvet blouses. (Sorry, mom.)
6 of 50
I can only assume this photo was taken on a Wednesday.
7 of 50
To be fair these do come in handy when literally only your wrists are cold and you need something to pair with your….
8 of 50
COMPLETELY INEXPLICABLE VEST
I guess it was just super cool to wander around looking like half of a butler during the aughts? IDK.
9 of 50
2020 has been bad enough. If chaps come back, that’s when we’ll know for sure it’s the apocalypse.
10 of 50
Let’s keep this tool of the patriarchy in the 19th century where it belongs, mmmkay?
11 of 50
Cropped Pinstriped Pants
I have no idea how this trend was allowed to happen, but I can only assume we were all put under a spell by whoever invented the pinstripe.
12 of 50
Embellished Denim Skirts
Sometimes a denim skirt can look cute! This is not one of those times.
13 of 50
While we’re at it, let’s take a moment to promise each other that we’ll never let embellished denim become a thing again. Not even Queen Bey can pull this off, and she can pull off almost anything.
14 of 50
Obviously this is preferable to not wearing any underwear, but still not the best look.
15 of 50
Everything Ed Hardy
The rise of Ed Hardy was truly one of the darkest and most disturbing times in our nation’s history. We can never forget.
17 of 50
Would love to travel back in time and ask J.Lo what, pray tell, her belt was even holding up.
18 of 50
Velvet chokers have cycled in and out of style over the years, and honestly, I’m fine them. However, their evil step sister (AKA DANGLING BEJEWELED chokers) need to be destroyed.
19 of 50
Cardigans as Shirts
Remember sweater sets? Neither do I, let’s keep it that way.
20 of 50
Leather Trench Coats
The Matrix should honestly issue a public apology for this.
21 of 50
Keira Knightley’s face says it all. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.
22 of 50
An unfortunate name for an unfortunate look. These skirts came in an array of colors, always had a drawstring, and were most often paired with a crop top.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
23 of 50
Baggy Button-Up Shirts
Extra points if you had a shell necklace and Rainbow brand flip-flops.
24 of 50
These came in a variety of styles and were worn by virtually every single celebrity in the early 2000s. A choice!!!
25 of 50
Dresses Over Pants
Pick one: a dress or pants. You simply cannot have both.
26 of 50
Man, I was so pleased with myself when I got my first pair of denim pedal pushers. Can only assume I was hallucinating at the time.
27 of 50
Dresses Over Pedal Pushers
What happens when you combine two of the early 2000s’ worst trends? This picture.
28 of 50
All Pleather Everything
I feel sweaty just looking at this picture.
29 of 50
For obvious reasons related to animals being cute and innocent, let’s hope wearing real fur remains out of style forever.
30 of 50
Baby Spice obviously looks iconic, but otherwise WTF AM I LOOKING AT?
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