Cosmo Unlocked Sex Toy Realness Vibrator Discontinued

Like everyone else this year, I’ve spent a lot of time bitching and moaning about how every day in the pandemic on unofficial lockdown feels like Groundhog Day and how I’m desperate for things to change. By change, I did not mean “I wish the one good, reliable thing in my life would be discontinued,” but it looks like that’s happening to my favorite vibrator and it’s not cool at all, but okay!

In all my years of covering sex toys, this unassuming $70 plastic bullet is the vibrator I recommend to my friends over and over. I’ve written about my complicated relationship with the We-Vibe Tango before, and how despite the rechargeable battery dying every nine months, I still continue to simp and buy a new one every year just so I can never be without it. It’s that good.

You see, this toy is by far, the strongest bullet vibrator around — it’s also ultra-quiet and discreet enough to easily stash in a bedside drawer without screaming I am a sex toy! Unfortunately, the Tango is also not the prettiest sex toy around and the rechargeable battery seems to have a total lifespan of around nine months, from my experience, meaning you’ve got to buy new ones every year or so. However, I’m deeply regretting complaining about silly little things like the color now, as my beloved We-Vibe Tango is being discontinued.

Tango Vibrator

We-Vibe
babeland.com

$64.00

Why We Love It:

  • It’s the strongest bullet vibrator out there, by far.
  • It’s deeply rumbly; no cheap-ass buzzing here.
  • It’s very easy to use with one button.
  • It’s small enough that it’s easy to use with a partner or solo.
  • Its waterproof, plastic design means it’ll be the easiest sex toy you’ve ever cleaned.

    After ten years on the market, the Tango is officially being retired to make room for a new Tango X, and it’s bringing up a lot of sadness I didn’t know I was capable of feeling towards an inanimate object. The new version features seven more vibration patterns (the original had eight), updated colors (fine, the navy is cool), and a new two-button control (the original had a single button, which made it easy to use out of the gate, but also a pain in the ass to cycle through). The newer version also looks significantly different, which is making me act all protective towards a product I once described as “fugly” because I didn’t know how good I had it then.

    Tango X Vibrator

    We-Vibe
    babeland.com

    $80.00

    Just from reading about the features, it seems like the Tango X is a very fair upgrade from the original Tango, as it has a lot more functionality, better colors, and an upgraded charging system for the same exact price, but I’m still sad! Change is hard — especially when this reliable orgasm machine has been around as long as it has! That’s why for this week’s Sex Toy Realness, we’re sending our beloved* We-Vibe Tango out with one last bang.

    The Shape

    The Tango is a rechargeable, waterproof, standard, lipstick-sized vibrator and is small enough to easily tote or stash anywhere without drawing attention to it. The angled tip means you can use the tippy-top for precise, controlled stimulation, or use the broader end for less-intense vibration. It’s small but not so small that you have to guess when you try to change settings, as the single-push button makes it a breeze to become familiar with.

    A long press turns the vibrator on, single presses cycle through the different intensity levels and patterns, and another long press turns it off.

    The Toy Itself

    The Tango is made of ABS plastic, which I’d previously mentioned as part of what makes this toy so powerful. While many new vibrators are made of silicone, the ABS plastic casing of the vibe means none of the vibrations get muffled by silicone. Silicone toys also come with the caveat that you can’t use oil or silicone-based lubes with them, as they’ll disintegrate the silicone in the toy. You can use any lube with ABS plastic though!

    By far, the best thing about the Tango is its incredible power and strength. It’s such a small device, but packs a punch that larger toys often need huge motors to pull off. If you like the Hitachi Magic Wand, you would love the Tango as a pocket-sized alternative for your lineup. The Tango is so strong, that even the weakest power setting often feels like it would be the last power setting on many larger toys.

    It’s also really, really quiet. This is thanks in part to the rumbly-ness of the toy. All We-Vibe toys have very rumbly vibration (as opposed to cheaper, superficially-buzzy toys), which means it’s not only hella strong, but also nearly silent.

    The Price

    At its original price of $80 (it’s currently $60 while retailers are making room for the new version), the Tango can seem like a lot to someone who otherwise only purchases novelty sex toys at around $40 or so, but it’s actually a steal. Most name-brand sex toys are upwards of $100 easily. Not to mention, the Tango is pretty much a guaranteed orgasm. Sure, you can spend $160 on fancy toys that mimic oral sex, but those can be hit-or-miss. The Tango will never let you down. For $80, you’ve got yourself a year of unlimited orgasms. Seems pretty economical to me.

    Bottom Line

    The original We-Vibe Tango is an icon, outdated colors, and all. I’ve yet to try the new version (still in denial a little, it’s fine), and while it very well might outperform the Old Tango on paper, I’m probably still going to panic-buy a few of the old version to stock up and hoard. I’m not quite ready for a life without my little plastic friend.

    In the meantime, the Old Tango is currently on sale at Babeland and the We-Vibe site for $60-64 until supplies last 😢.

    *in my grief I have decided I take back all my original complaints about the Tango. I never should’ve whined, I’m so sorry.

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