I’m not above a rogue text to an ex every now and then. The impulses from time to time are totally normal, so I certainly don’t judge you for it. For me, personally, I especially get the I-want-to-text-my-ex fever around Valentine’s Day when love is being literally shoved in your face and into heart-shaped chocolates.
But, this year’s V-Day is especially bad. Not only are the festivities on a Friday (if you see me drunk crying in an Uber, mind ya business), but it’s also an extra long weekend for most peeps with Monday being President’s Day. If you think this sounds like a trap to text your ex, it is.
If you really want to shoot your former flame a “WYD?,” I’m not going to stop you. What I will do is beg you to at least think this move through by asking yourself the following 12 questions:
Will I have to un-block them on my phone in order to send this?
If you went so far as to program your phone so that it would deny you any sort of contact with this person, I’m going to venture to guess you did that for a reason. For the sake of both of your well beings, and for that of humanity as a whole, you shouldkeep this person blocked. And btw, this applies to Instagram and Facebook too.
Is there a chance I am currently blocked on their phone?
If you think there’s even a *chance* this person so desperately wants you out of their life that they legit blocked you from their phone, I hate to say it (read: secretly love to say it), but I don’t think a Valentine’s Day text is going to change anything for your couple odds.
Has their number been stored as some variation of “Do Not Call”?
And by variation, I mean: “Asshole” “Why Are You Even Looking At This Number Right Now?” and/or “Go to Sleep and Do Not Look at This Number Again.” In other words, you didn’t go so far as to block them… but you have drunkenly tried to call this person so many times that you literally had to change their name in your contacts to an active reminder that you should not be speaking to them. Maybe that’s a sign that you should, um… not speak to them?
Have I been down this road before?
If this feels like deja vu, that’s because it probably is deja vu. Please spare your friends and family and do not put everyone through this emotional roller coaster another time. You can find another guy who buys you Cheetos. Promise.
Are they dating someone new?
There’s no shot their new partner sees your name light up on their phone and doesn’t want to rip both of your heads out. Buttt, you already know that. As much as the thought of starting an unnecessary fight between your ex and their new partner on Valentine’s Day may seem appealing, just remember all that’s really going to happen is he’s going to block your number in front of her, then the two of them are going to laugh about the whole thing over a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner.
Am I dating someone new?
Maybe—and I’m just spit-balling here—dump your current partner before making a move on your ex? I have a feeling if you’re trying to spice things up with your ex on the most romantic day of the year, your current relationship isn’t exactly thriving.
Does this person even consider me a real ex?
Listen, I’m not trying to be mean here; I’m just trying to save you from mustering up the courage to reach out to the person you consider “an ex” and getting hit with a “new phone who dis” from someone who never even bothered to store your number. Or worse, have you in their phone as “Maybe:”
What am I hoping to get out of this?
Seriously. What are you hoping to achieve here? Are you thinking a rogue Valentine’s Day text is going to make you guys get back together? Are you hoping for a booty call? Are you just trying to get some attention because you’re bored and lonely? Whatever your hopes, make sure you get your expectations real low before going through with this. This is your ex we’re talking about, remember?
Do I have any desire to speak to them the other 364 days of the year?
I get it: It’s Valentine’s Day, you’re lonely, and suddenly everything reminds you of them… but this doesn’t mean you miss them. Go hang out with your other single girlfriends or call your mom. This feeling will pass.
How many drinks do I have in my body right now?
Hangovers are already horrific. Do you really want to add an embarrassing text to your ex to the list of things you’re inevitably going to be shame spiraling over tomorrow? Didn’t think so…
Am I 100 percent sure this is still their phone number?
There are only two possible reasons for being unclear on whether or not this is still their number. Option One: You’ve had so many texts and calls go unanswered that you’re starting to wonder if it’s still really their number. Option Two: You haven’t spoken in so long, you have no idea what their number is anymore. Either way, I’m cringing on your behalf, and really think you should not do this.
Would my best friend be cool with me sending this?
This is the most important question of all. If you’re low-key nervous about telling your best friend that you’re even thinking about doing this, then you should probably NOT DO IT. While you might have this person on a pedestal, she sees them for who they really are. Trust her.
Alright, if you still feel good about sending the text after asking yourself these questions, then fine, I’ve done my part here. Deploy the text. But just for safe-keeping, add these Qs to your Notes tab so you have the goods on file should it come the time come (read: should your body become 60 percent Rosé).