Helpful tip: You don’t need hips like Shakira or Jenna Dewan’s body to give someone a life-changing lap dance. I don’t care if you literally can’t hold a beat to save your life and have zero coordination, lap dances are truly about what you make of them—not what you think they should look like.
Plus, I don’t know any receiver who isn’t going to enjoy the view (the view being you, someone they’re already super into, stripping and undressing right before their eyes). I can promise you, the last thing they’re thinking about is how on-beat you are with the music.
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Trust, it’s time to embrace your super-confident alter ego because a lil confidence goes a long way—and is an absolute necessity when giving a lap dance.
To help with your anxieties though, we had experts Jaclinne Cheng, CEO and founder of Spicy Lingerie, and Rori Gordon, owner of gentleman’s club Billy Deans Showtime Café, provide their tips, tricks, and insights on WTF to do when you quite literally don’t know what to do.
What to Know Before You Give a Lap Dance:
- The average lap dance should last at least two songs, so a total of sixish minutes, says Gordon. (Though obviously, adjust this to your own preferences and add time as you see fit). And if two songs may seem, like, excruciatingly long, remember that you can watch 6-7ish TikTok vids in that same amount of time. It’s…not that long. Don’t let your anxiety win this one.
- Stretch all your limbs before. “It’s important to stretch before you perform to prepare yourself for any extraneous movements,” says Cheng.
- Plan your playlist ahead of time. Just like you check your PowerPoint before giving a big presentation, make sure you have your music cued up and ready to go.
- Don’t do anything your body can’t handle. Like, say, a backbend if you can’t even do a somersault.
- Set the mood with dimmed lights and candles. But don’t make it too dark to which your partner can’t see you.
What You Should Wear During a Lap Dance:
- Slip-on heels. These bbs accentuate the hell out of your body, so choose what you can reasonably dance in for six or so minutes. Pro tip: Walk around in your shoes beforehand to get comfy and used to them, suggests Gordon. No shoe is worth breaking an ankle over.
- Soft, comfortable pieces. “Avoid any clothing that may cause too much friction or might easily get snagged,” says Cheng.
- Anything that makes *you* feel extremely sexy. “I love lingerie, garters and thigh-high stockings with a long sheer gown,” says Gordon.
- A costume you and/or your partner fantasize about. Don’t be afraid to lean into some of those role-play fantasies. Dance as a nurse, devil, or teacher with outfits you can normally find at any Halloween shop or online.
- Layered clothing. If you’d like to progress the lap dance to sex, it’s ultra-sexy if you incorporate a strip tease into your lap dance. TL;DR: You need plenty of clothing items to strip off in six minutes.
What Music You Should Listen to During a Lap Dance:
- Slow and sexy music is ideal. “A lap dance is supposed to be seductive, so choose songs that inspire your sexuality,” says Cheng. Her picks? “Climax” by Usher, “Girl With the One Eye” by Florence and The Machine, and “Naughty Girl” by Beyoncé.
- Anything that makes you feel sensual. Remember, it is not how well you dance, it is more about the prelude of the fantasy. “My preference in music is slow and sensual—like Barry White,” suggests Gordon.
How to actually give a lap dance:
- Instruct your partner to get comfy. This can be in a bed, on the couch, on a chair, or wherever you’re most comfortable.
- Start from afar and walk toward your partner to the beat of the music, suggests Cheng. “Show off a couple of dance moves before arriving at your partner, build the anticipation, and then start the main attraction.”
- Get as close to your partner as possible and move your body with the music. Start slow and increase your speed as the music changes.
- Gyrate your body and make eye-contact. It’s the sexiest thing about a lap dance that engages your partner.
- Switch between standing above your partner, sitting, and squatting. You can start by sitting on your partner’s lap, dancing over your partner, then squatting and bending over in front of them.
- For the more adventurous and flexible dancers, show off that flexibility by stretching your leg as high as it will go. Going for a backbend while sitting on your partner’s lap is definitely a crowd pleaser too, says Cheng.
Some specific lap dance moves to try:
- The Sexy Lean: Stand between your partner’s legs and lean you upper body forward (with your back arched and your butt up in the air) so they get a hot view of your body. Put your hands on the wall above them or rest them on the arms of the chair for support. Then, tease them by inching your boobs closer and closer to their face, but don’t let them touch. Once they’ve patiently waited, lean forward even further and rub them against their chest.
- The Lotion: For this one, start a little further back right between their knees so they can see everything you’re doing. Take your hands and slowly start to rub your boobs, like you’re putting on body lotion. Touch yourself like you would want them to touch you (and tell them that specifically). Trail your hands down to your lower abs just above your vaginé, then work your way back up to your chest or turn around and massage your butt. The key is to go in slow motion, so they can imagine having their hands all over you.
- The Hip-notizer: Your hottest seduction tool is your hips—and this move is super easy to master. Slowly start swaying your hips from side to side, and then move them in a figure eight. Up the ante by touching yourself as you do it—this is a prime time to show off your “lotion” skills.
- The Cowgirl: Turn around and hover your butt just above their crotch (you can put your hands on their thighs or the arms of the chair for balance). Move your butt in circles, like you’re painting their lap with your cheeks. Then switch to an up and down motion, like you’re riding them in reverse cowgirl. Then, look back at them as you grind against their body.
Other helpful tips and tricks to remember
- Think less about dancing and more about connecting with your partner. If you’re not a dancer, taking the pressure off of a lap dance can help.
- “Have fun and be confident,” says Cheng. “If you’re not having a good time, your partner will be able to tell, and it won’t be an enjoyable experience for both of you.”
- Give a little wink every once in a while. “It may sound silly, but it works,” says Gordon.
- Master the over-the-shoulder look. With your back to your lover, look over your shoulder and stare deep into their eyes. If are feeling it, lick your lips too.
- Practice the hair flick. If you have long hair, use it.
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