Despite everything 2020 has taken (see: jobs, health, financial stability, etc.) the one thing I was not going to let the year steal: my sex life.
You see, my orgasms are v important to my general well-being. And as an exhibitionist, finding hot ways to mix it up, preferably anywhere besides the bedroom, is a hard feat amid social-distancing and quarantine protocols.
Fortunately for me and my libido, I was able to find some ways to work around the stay-at-home orders—like when I spent some time role-playing my favorite show’s sex scenes.
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But when all of that started to get old, I needed something new and refreshing. So I did what any self-respecting adult in the middle of a global pandemic would do: I bought an inflatable pool—what I’d like to consider the hottest sexsessory of summer 2020.
When one of my friends got one, I was jealous, but not in the “I need to buy one now” kind of way. It was just a pool, after all. But it wasn’t until a bottle of wine later that she admitted the real reason the pool was so great was because of the sex that came with it. Like, “It’s been years since it’s been this good” amazing. My ears perked the fuck up.
I couldn’t believe that the solution to more orgasms and fewer fights whilst cooped up with your partner all day could quite possibly be just a 120″ x 72″ x 22″ piece of plastic, but I was here for it.
So, wine drunk and curious, I spent that night searching for my own pool to add to our backyard décor—which admittedly proved to be harder than you think. Above-ground pools are a hot commodity right now, friends. They were (and still are) selling out as fast as toilet paper and paper towels at the start of this pandemic.
But finally, a month and a healthy portion of my paycheck later, I got it. It was small— much smaller and flimsier than I wanted—but as any bored, horny twenty-something can tell you, it’s not the size, it’s the ~motion~ of the kiddy pool that matters.
When the day finally arrived to test out our new sexcessory, I couldn’t wait to hop in the water. I donned my sexiest swimsuit and poured some shots for my husband and I at 10 a.m. (Y’know, really living up the college spring break feels).
We walked into the pool and, almost immediately, our mouths were already falling over each other. And FWIW, pool kisses hit differently than regular ones. With water splashing all around, you can be as messy and sloppy as you want (which is actually super animalistic and fun in the moment) without having that gross “saliva drying on your chin” feeling.
There’s also the way the water basically forces your hand to brush against your partner’s leg, their chest, their pelvis. The waves push you together, which is like an amazing dry-humping session on X-games mode.
Oh, and the splashing and teasing makes you feel like teenagers again (…when fights over who needs to take the trash out weren’t a thing).
I’ll save the TMI details, but my time in the pool with my hubs went something like this: I sat back, my husband moved on top of me, my top was off, then my bottoms, then his, and we seeped into the parched grass.
We spent literally all day in there, too. Missionary! Doggy! Cowgirl! You name the position, we probably did it. Hair was pulled. Waterproof vibrators were used (one that vaguely looked like a rubber duck, even). And orgasms—many, many, many orgasms—were had.
So, listen: You don’t necessarily need an inflatable pool to up your sex game during this pandemic. With plenty of options like apps, toys, virtual sex parties, and even just good ol’ fashioned communication, the possibility are endless.
But for me, the pool added a layer of excitement to my otherwise mundane summer days. Maybe it could for you too.
And whether it was the scent of the coconut sunscreen in the air or the thrill that my neighbors could glance over and see us going at it, it didn’t matter that my pool was made for toddlers. My husband and I made damn sure that this was an Adults Only situation.
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